Dear parents at the beginning of the school year,
We see you.
You’re trying to savor the last days of summer while Target ads scream “back-to-school,” your
inbox is drowning in school emails, and your child is melting down because they wish they were
homeschooled (or an adult… or maybe even their pet dog). Maybe today even is your child’s first
day/week of school…or yours!
Here’s the thing: back-to-school is hard…for everyone.
Kids are moving from freedom to structure, from sunshine to 7 hours at a desk, and from the
known of summer to the unknown of a new classroom, teachers, school, friends, etc. And for their
nervous system? Unknown = danger. That’s why the meltdowns, the sass, the clinginess shows up.
This is normal for kids!
Now they return from school… they held it together all day but come home and completely
unravel? That’s not them being “bad.” That’s something called restraint collapse. They held in their
emotions all day and now their restraint that was used all day…has collapsed because they are
comfortable. AKA – You’re their safe place, which means you get the big feelings. (Lucky you
but also…it’s a compliment.)
So what do you do?:
1. Validate: “I get it, this feels scary.” Naming the feeling helps tame/ calm the brain, and of course
helps the child feel heard and seen.
2. Give space to decompress after school. Try your best to reduce the “how was your day?”
questions. These can be overwhelming for kids experiencing many big emotions and not knowing
how to communicate with them.
3. Skip the “you’ll be fine!” pep talks. Instead, be with your child, and connect. Sitting with them
through these emotions teaches them you can tolerate these feelings; in turn so can they! Co-
regulation is at work here!
4. Remember, it’s only temporary.
Your child (or you, the parent) doesn’t need you to fix all of it. They just need you to be their steady
anchor through the waves.
You and your child can conquer this! We believe in you both With you in this,
Your Friendly Neighborhood Therapists
By: Samantha Zeknock, LAC